Some of my readers will be aware that I abruptly left a 34 year career as a pastor in 2005. I went into detail about some of the reasons in a book I subsequently published with the controversial title Quit "Going" to Church...And Other Musings of a Former Institutional Man, Xulon Press (see recommended link). Although my decision to leave career ministry seemed sudden, the process leading up to it was not.
For those who aren't interested in reading a whole book on the matter, I recently came across a single paragraph that encompasses much of what compelled Sally and me to pursue a new direction in our journey. It appears in an article about the Rwandan reconciliation process in the June 2009 Christianity Today. Mark Moring describes the very painful and slow process of healing between the Tutsis and Hutus since the Rwandan genocide 15 years ago ("Reconcilable Differences" p. 28).
Here is the paragraph that caught my attention:
"...Pastors say, 'We have Hutus and Tutsis in our church. For me to talk of forgiveness and reconciliation, it is very difficult, because I am afraid of losing some of them.' Some feel that if the pastor is asking survivors to forgive, maybe he is taking sides with the Hutus. Or if he asks the Hutus to repent, maybe he is siding with the Tutsis. So many pastors just preach in general, because they are afraid to say the hard things" (emphasis added).
In simple terms what is being described is the fear of rejection that haunts many pastors. It certainly plagued me. Of course, everyone wants to be liked, but for many pastors it goes much deeper. They don't want to lose people from their congregation because personal income and significance are directly tied to keeping as many as possible in the pews. It is in the pastor's best interest to try to keep his or her congregants content and contributing. To my shame it is the political game that I played for many years. I only owned up to it when the longing for freedom to say some of the "hard things" I wanted to say finally overwhelmed my insecurity driven people pleasing.
Some might suggest that the ideal approach to this dilemma is to transparently make the transition and set an example in personal growth that church members can follow. Perhaps. But when people pleasing is an addiction--a drug of choice, so to speak--it is usually better to cut off the supply. That's what I felt I had to do. Never again do I want to be in a situation where I feel I can't say what I believe because it will threaten my livelihood or sense of prestige.
