I know Ted Haggard. I've known him since 1997--ten years. I've read three of his books, visited the church he founded, heard him speak to groups of thousands and groups less than 100, I have shaken his hand and had brief conversation with him.
I don't know Ted Haggard. I know nothing of his personal life. I've never been in his home, never met his family, never been in a car with him, never talked with him on the telephone, never socialized with him. I couldn't tell you what his favorite music is, what periodicals he reads, or how he feels about the war in Iraq. The Ted Haggard of current headlines who was just fired from his church, who admits to unspecified sexual misconduct and buying illegal drugs is someone I do not know.
So what am I to think about these revelations? First, I feel profound sadness for his family. How hurtful this must be for them. Next, I feel for his congregation in which I have relatives. The shock of realizing their pastor wasn't all he appeared to be will be a trying thing to work through. Nobody enjoys feeling like they have been had. It will take some time to recover from the sense of betrayal and violation of trust.
Strangely, I don't feel betrayed. I guess I've been around the block enough times that nothing surprises me anymore. I know what Jesus knew when he dealt with the woman caught in adultery. There ain't nobody without sin. We're all broken and struggling with some issue in our lives. I expect everyone to fail at some personal level sooner or later. The greater one's personal celebrity and sphere of influence, the more far reaching will be the consequences of one's failure. This understanding of our human condition makes forgiveness (and tolerance) easier for me. Not always easy, mind you, but easier than it would be otherwise.
Today I am happy for Ted Haggard. The crushing burden of a secret life he was trying to keep secret is being lifted off his shoulders. The healing grace that comes from confessing our faults to each other is within his grasp. He will soon discover who his true friends are--the ones who will stick close and help him in his time of need. These will be the people with whom he will be able to create authentic accountability. I wish Ted Haggard well and pray that he will find God to be an ever present help in time of trouble.
I also pray that more of us will learn what a disservice we do to each other when we create relational dynamics that encourage secret lives. People live secret lives out of shame and fear--fear of rejection, fear of judgement. When we do not have people close to us with whom we can safely share our struggles, weaknesses and dark times, we are much more susceptible to opt for hypocrisy and a double life. We will develop a public and private persona. As the former President of the National Association of Evangelicals, Ted Haggard knows that relational safety is a rare thing in those circles. Evangelicals, who have politically postured themselves as the cultural morality police, are, for many, the last group someone might look to for a forgiving, welcoming embrace. That's why we continue to watch the list grow of prominent evangelical "spokespersons" and political crusaders whose secret lives hit the headlines.
