There was a gasp of shocked consternation that momentarily lowered the oxygen level among the faithful last week. It hit the news wires that Mother Teresa, who worked among the poorest of the poor in Calcutta for more than 40 years, and who is on the fast track to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, spent much of her adult life doubting the existence of God. Letters she had written to confidants and confessors reveal that she felt utterly abandoned by God most of the time and had at one point given up praying. This insight into her private inner life stands in sharp contrast to her tireless, humble, public life which set the modern standard for Christian compassion and mercy ministry, and for which she received a Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.
Others will write about the deeper insights we may glean from the posthumously published letters of “The Saint of the Gutters.” What I want to discuss is why is this news? Why, as if it is unthinkable, would anyone be surprised by anyone, saint or Joe Six-pack, having spiritual doubts?
The reason why is because we have developed and refined a religious way of thinking and living that denies and pretends we don’t have such doubts. Confident, certain types are our role models. We emulate people who appear to know what they believe and why they are right. Nobody wants a pastor or teacher who says he or she isn’t sure about what we’re doing. Doubters and skeptics aren’t welcome in the inner circles of the convinced. We delude ourselves into thinking the “real greats of the faith” don’t have dark moments of the soul like the rest of us. Mother Teresa fell prey to this mindset and had asked that the letters she had written be destroyed before the public could find out about her struggle. Thank God they weren't.
In his introduction to my book Quit “Going” to Church...And Other Musings of a Formerly Institutional Man, Xulon Press, 2007, Dr. John Dilley quotes M. Scott Peck:“...virtually all of the evil in this world is committed by people who are absolutely certain they know what they are doing.” In other words, only scandal and strife follows in the wake of ideologues. When will we ever learn that having doubts about God is as normal as breathing? There is no shame in it. It is a sign of sanity and an essential process of a healthy faith journey. It is one of the components that form the humility Jesus said would characterize citizens of his kingdom. Even Jesus had moments of doubt (Matthew 26:36-44)... and he didn’t hide it.
If Mother Teresa had “gone public” with her doubts as she carried on with her incredible service to humanity, how many shame-ridden secretly doubting souls could she have encouraged in the journey? Hopefully, more of us will rise up and say enough! to these religious practices that breed denial and doubt–hiding false facades and pressure us into pretending to be on top in public while keeping our struggles and doubts private. I want to be around people who are honest about their struggles and won’t all the time project only serenity and certainty.
