Before I could introduce myself and get his name, he picked up my book, frowningly turned a few pages, gave a brief glimpse to the back cover, and then asked in stern tones, “Are you a part of ... (mentioning a contemporary Christian movement)? I’ve heard about them,” he sniffed. He then proceeded to inform me what his denominational persuasion was and that he thought “we should go by the Bible.” He even proudly volunteered that he was currently at odds with his pastor because he wasn’t teaching the Bible “correctly.” “My name is Steve,” I interrupted offering a handshake.
I was sitting at a table as the invited guest author for a book signing at a local Christian bookstore. Talking to me was optional. I was only there to sign my book for anyone interested enough to buy it. Many people bypassed my table and went politely about their business just as I have numerous times in bookstores. This gentleman walked in, saw me sitting there, noticed the title of my book (Quit “Going” to Church...And Other Musings of a Former Institutional Man http://xulonpress.com/book_detail.php?id=4001), made a snap judgment that my writings were unbiblical and threatening to his “true” Christianity, and felt like he needed to get in my face. He didn’t know me, didn’t want to know me, and didn’t think he needed to take the time to consider what I have to say before judging me to be his adversary. After spewing his excluding bile, he walked away in smug confidence that he had held to his righteous standards and had clearly established the demarcation between him and me. I sat there sadly thinking I know how he feels because that is how I used to think.
Many of us were trained and groomed in a tradition that made being convinced of the correctness of our point of view the all important thing. We were taught how to win arguments in defense of our beliefs. Opposing views were to be vigorously resisted. Many of the Bible classes and sermon series we were subjected to (and that I used to teach) focused on the evils of groups, denominations, or movements that offered an alternative perspective. Our mission was to hold the line against anything and everyone that seems different. To carry this out effectively it was necessary to share membership only with those who agree with us. We got together to reinforce what we believed and to remind ourselves how evil the rest of the world is. We were defined by what we were against and how different we were from everybody else.
I no longer look at others this way. I am so very sorry I ever did. Yes, there are points of view that I cannot agree with. But I strive to not allow points of disagreement to become obstacles to what can hopefully become a generative relationship. While seeking to find points of commonality, empathy, and understanding, one often finds reasons to actually like and listen to others. That is life giving in the sense that it fosters bonds of affection and stimulates personal growth. This is what Jesus modeled when he intentionally socialized with marginalized people such as drunkards, prostitutes and “sinners” (Luke 15). I don’t mind that the man didn’t buy my book. I’m just disappointed he walked away before discovering how much I love God and the Bible, too.
