There was a gasp of shocked consternation that momentarily lowered the oxygen level among the faithful last week. It hit the news wires that Mother Teresa, who worked among the poorest of the poor in Calcutta for more than 40 years, and who is on the fast track to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, spent much of her adult life doubting the existence of God. Letters she had written to confidants and confessors reveal that she felt utterly abandoned by God most of the time and had at one point given up praying. This insight into her private inner life stands in sharp contrast to her tireless, humble, public life which set the modern standard for Christian compassion and mercy ministry, and for which she received a Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.
Others will write about the deeper insights we may glean from the posthumously published letters of “The Saint of the Gutters.” What I want to discuss is why is this news? Why, as if it is unthinkable, would anyone be surprised by anyone, saint or Joe Six-pack, having spiritual doubts?
The reason why is because we have developed and refined a religious way of thinking and living that denies and pretends we don’t have such doubts. Confident, certain types are our role models. We emulate people who appear to know what they believe and why they are right. Nobody wants a pastor or teacher who says he or she isn’t sure about what we’re doing. Doubters and skeptics aren’t welcome in the inner circles of the convinced. We delude ourselves into thinking the “real greats of the faith” don’t have dark moments of the soul like the rest of us. Mother Teresa fell prey to this mindset and had asked that the letters she had written be destroyed before the public could find out about her struggle. Thank God they weren't.
In his introduction to my book Quit “Going” to Church...And Other Musings of a Formerly Institutional Man, Xulon Press, 2007, Dr. John Dilley quotes M. Scott Peck:“...virtually all of the evil in this world is committed by people who are absolutely certain they know what they are doing.” In other words, only scandal and strife follows in the wake of ideologues. When will we ever learn that having doubts about God is as normal as breathing? There is no shame in it. It is a sign of sanity and an essential process of a healthy faith journey. It is one of the components that form the humility Jesus said would characterize citizens of his kingdom. Even Jesus had moments of doubt (Matthew 26:36-44)... and he didn’t hide it.
If Mother Teresa had “gone public” with her doubts as she carried on with her incredible service to humanity, how many shame-ridden secretly doubting souls could she have encouraged in the journey? Hopefully, more of us will rise up and say enough! to these religious practices that breed denial and doubt–hiding false facades and pressure us into pretending to be on top in public while keeping our struggles and doubts private. I want to be around people who are honest about their struggles and won’t all the time project only serenity and certainty.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
The Sky is Firmly in Place
Researchers from a wide variety of secular and religiously affiliated organizations are agreeing that church attendance among young adults is in sharp decline. The studies show that 70-80% of young adults are leaving their churches before the age of 22. Only 35% of them later return. This trend is cited by some as evidence America has become a “post-Christian nation” following in the footsteps of Western Europe.
Religious traditionalists who have the annoying habit of seeing themselves as the official standard of measurement for all things validly spiritual and true are very troubled by this trend. With “the sky is falling” alarmism a burgeoning industry of seminars, conferences, and publishing has been created to teach pastors and youth workers how to stop this mass exodus. Most of the popular strategies and tactics fall into the category of entertain and hold. If the youth leader is hip enough, the music rock enough, the ambiance trendy enough and the events fun enough maybe a few will stick around and change their minds about dropping out of church. The reasoning behind these efforts is that, since they are the only true light bearers, they must react to this trend with extraordinary effort to keep the young people in their churches. If they can’t keep them coming to their programs, America is doomed. In my opinion this is nothing less than religious narcissism. It is wrong headed on several levels.
First, it is absolutely a false assumption that young adults leaving the church are disconnecting from God. Researchers are also finding that there is a rise in belief in God and interest in things spiritual among the youth of America. Young people today are more likely to pray and give themselves to acts of compassion than the youth of a generation ago. Many of them are finding it necessary to escape stifling, program based religion in order to spread their wings spiritually.
Second, it is the height of arrogance for any of us to conclude that our way of doing things is God’s preferred way of doing things. If history teaches us anything it declares loudly that God changes tactics from time to time. Forms and traditions that may have been fresh, life-giving and in step with what God was doing to interact with humanity at one time often have long since been added to the pile of obsolete and no longer useful “wineskins” today. Efforts to hold onto people and keep them engaged in things God has moved on from can become counter productive and even idolatrous.
Third and most important in this discussion is the shortsighted and negative view of God the alarmists project. Their inflated view of their own importance reveals a genuine lack of confidence in God. It assumes that God’s hands are tied to their “success” . If they aren’t carrying the day, neither is God it is assumed. That is an absurd and insulting to God proposition. God, who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:11), is not bound or limited by our customs and comfort zones of religious practice.
From where I sit it looks to me like God is enjoying unprecedented success in engaging the hearts and minds of the emerging generation. How God is doing it may not look “churchy” but these are great days for what is most important to the Almighty.
Religious traditionalists who have the annoying habit of seeing themselves as the official standard of measurement for all things validly spiritual and true are very troubled by this trend. With “the sky is falling” alarmism a burgeoning industry of seminars, conferences, and publishing has been created to teach pastors and youth workers how to stop this mass exodus. Most of the popular strategies and tactics fall into the category of entertain and hold. If the youth leader is hip enough, the music rock enough, the ambiance trendy enough and the events fun enough maybe a few will stick around and change their minds about dropping out of church. The reasoning behind these efforts is that, since they are the only true light bearers, they must react to this trend with extraordinary effort to keep the young people in their churches. If they can’t keep them coming to their programs, America is doomed. In my opinion this is nothing less than religious narcissism. It is wrong headed on several levels.
First, it is absolutely a false assumption that young adults leaving the church are disconnecting from God. Researchers are also finding that there is a rise in belief in God and interest in things spiritual among the youth of America. Young people today are more likely to pray and give themselves to acts of compassion than the youth of a generation ago. Many of them are finding it necessary to escape stifling, program based religion in order to spread their wings spiritually.
Second, it is the height of arrogance for any of us to conclude that our way of doing things is God’s preferred way of doing things. If history teaches us anything it declares loudly that God changes tactics from time to time. Forms and traditions that may have been fresh, life-giving and in step with what God was doing to interact with humanity at one time often have long since been added to the pile of obsolete and no longer useful “wineskins” today. Efforts to hold onto people and keep them engaged in things God has moved on from can become counter productive and even idolatrous.
Third and most important in this discussion is the shortsighted and negative view of God the alarmists project. Their inflated view of their own importance reveals a genuine lack of confidence in God. It assumes that God’s hands are tied to their “success” . If they aren’t carrying the day, neither is God it is assumed. That is an absurd and insulting to God proposition. God, who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:11), is not bound or limited by our customs and comfort zones of religious practice.
From where I sit it looks to me like God is enjoying unprecedented success in engaging the hearts and minds of the emerging generation. How God is doing it may not look “churchy” but these are great days for what is most important to the Almighty.
Monday, August 06, 2007
My Wedding Ring
Saturday, August 4, my wife, Sally, and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. For me, it will stand out as one of the best days I have ever had. No credit to me though, Sally is the one that made it so special.
A couple of weeks ago she made the odd request that I leave the anniversary planning to her. She communicated a strong resolve to be in charge of the proceedings. We'd had 34 years of experience with my anniversary planning. A change was long overdue. Let's just say that obligatory sentimentality isn't one of my strengths. I readily agreed to give her the day. And let me tell you, she hit the ball out of the park. I'll spare you the details of our trip to the Farmer's Market in the morning, the movie Hairspray in the afternoon, the romantic dinner, and the live jazz at a quaint East Village establishment to cap off the day. They were only infrastructure for the hand holding, laughter, cuddling, conversation, and her gift.
After dinner she reached into her purse and pulled out a ring box. In it was a sparkling re-creation of the wedding ring I first saw when she placed it on my finger 35 years ago in our wedding ceremony. I say "re-creation" because I had not worn the original one since they cut it off my finger in the emergency room after a fall from a ladder left me with a shattered wrist a year ago. I had worn the original ring full time for 34 years during which it had accompanied my hand while landscaping, doing factory work, working on home improvement projects, painting and the like. It showed much wear and tear. The distorted, paint encrusted ring they removed from my finger that day had gone through many hardships, as has our marriage.
I couldn't believe it when she told me that this ring so shiny and new was, in fact, my original ring. She had paid a jeweler to restore it. The old dings, cracks and stains are all gone. It looks brand new. She gave me the ring and read me a poem she had written to "My Love," as she repeatedly referred to me in the poem.
As I put the ring on, I couldn't help but think that just as the special skills of a jeweler can restore a ring, so can a life worn marraige get refurbished with some intentional planning to be together, fun and celebration of each other, and time given to reflective conversation. I went to sleep Saturday night, my hand touching hers, thinking our marriage seems shiny and new today, too. It was a very happy anniversary.
A couple of weeks ago she made the odd request that I leave the anniversary planning to her. She communicated a strong resolve to be in charge of the proceedings. We'd had 34 years of experience with my anniversary planning. A change was long overdue. Let's just say that obligatory sentimentality isn't one of my strengths. I readily agreed to give her the day. And let me tell you, she hit the ball out of the park. I'll spare you the details of our trip to the Farmer's Market in the morning, the movie Hairspray in the afternoon, the romantic dinner, and the live jazz at a quaint East Village establishment to cap off the day. They were only infrastructure for the hand holding, laughter, cuddling, conversation, and her gift.
After dinner she reached into her purse and pulled out a ring box. In it was a sparkling re-creation of the wedding ring I first saw when she placed it on my finger 35 years ago in our wedding ceremony. I say "re-creation" because I had not worn the original one since they cut it off my finger in the emergency room after a fall from a ladder left me with a shattered wrist a year ago. I had worn the original ring full time for 34 years during which it had accompanied my hand while landscaping, doing factory work, working on home improvement projects, painting and the like. It showed much wear and tear. The distorted, paint encrusted ring they removed from my finger that day had gone through many hardships, as has our marriage.
I couldn't believe it when she told me that this ring so shiny and new was, in fact, my original ring. She had paid a jeweler to restore it. The old dings, cracks and stains are all gone. It looks brand new. She gave me the ring and read me a poem she had written to "My Love," as she repeatedly referred to me in the poem.
As I put the ring on, I couldn't help but think that just as the special skills of a jeweler can restore a ring, so can a life worn marraige get refurbished with some intentional planning to be together, fun and celebration of each other, and time given to reflective conversation. I went to sleep Saturday night, my hand touching hers, thinking our marriage seems shiny and new today, too. It was a very happy anniversary.
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